Where to begin … 


It’s 4:05 a.m. and I’m staring at a blinking cursor in the notes app of my iPhone wondering, “Where do a begin with all these thoughts running through my head?”

In moments like this, I have to stop my brain from racing and focus on just one word. That one word this morning is: authentic.

Why authentic? Maybe because it’s at the forefront of my mind. It is the first core value of the church we are planting here in town. Cornerstone’s values are: Authentic. Loving. Simplistic. Excellence. The phrase I’ve often repeated is, “Conversations lead to relationships.” I’ve gone on to remind our core families, you’re never going to build “real” relationships until you’re “real” with one another, thus authentic. That means letting down the mask and stop pretending you have it all together.

I realize I’ve failed miserably in practicing what I preach.

My Facebook page and social media channels are — like most of you — my “highlight reel.” You only see and read what I carefully select from my daily life to share with you.

So, allow me to be “real” with you for a minute.

I don’t have it all together, I haven’t for quite some time. I prayed to the Lord back in the very beginning of 2014, “Lord, break me, mold me and make me into the man you’d have me to be.” December 31 of that year I realized He gave me exactly what I asked me. I realized then He wasn’t done and He isn’t done yet. (Honestly, as a friend reminded me, He won’t be done until he calls me Home) Needless to say, it hasn’t been easy, but more of that another day.

These last few weeks God has allowed me to see and reflect on many of my flaws, mainly centered around leadership or the lack there of. I’ve failed to lead well. I’ve failed to keep going and pushing forward. Instead I’ve thrown my weight around, thrown in the towel, but worse thrown people under the bus. I’ve failed to listen. I’ve failed to take time to reflect, process and pray. Instead I’ve responded in the moment thus hurting those around me.

What started as a post about struggling with being anxious — that was the first word I wrote down as I started this note and stared at the screen — has turned into this.

I’m reminded of Psalm 46:10, oft repeated, but seldom executed well by me, “Be still, know that I am God …” Even in saying that in these moments I realized, maybe we should be sure to say, “Be still, know that HE is God …” For He indeed is and I am not.

In this season of being refined, I think as I reflect that I can say, thank God I’m still on the Potter’s wheel!